Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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