Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
