Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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