Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
