Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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