I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm sobbing to NWA
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
