I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
no, he came in my armpit
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
