why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
