Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Randomize
