dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
