May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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