OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he shaved USA in his pubs
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
