Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
