i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
