please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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