My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
