weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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