theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
