What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
