He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
