lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
