It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
