I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just blew my weed a kiss
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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