a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
