Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
