Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
