As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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