Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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