I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My pussy is not your playground.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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