Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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