yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
its liver damage thursday
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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