i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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