She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
