And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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