i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
vagina is talking i cant
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
