just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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