He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
They are going to name an STD after you.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
