Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I did not marry a roomba.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
