I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
