If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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