We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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