I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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