I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
