Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
