Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't want my vagina anymore.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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