dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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