New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
