i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
