'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
