i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
50% drunk capacity currently
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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